I was feeling all sorts of things - some anger, some guilt. Mostly, I was feeling kind of apathetic towards things, which made me even angrier (and I get punchy when I'm mad). I had just put so much work into myself, and I was letting it go for no damn reason. Sometimes I would randomly ask myself out loud "What the hell is the matter with you? What's going on?" (Don't worry, I didn't answer out loud. The crazy comes and goes.)
I made a few decisions for myself, because I saw where it was going and knew I couldn't go there again. I had just gone six weeks without coffee during the week (except for that one day). Why did I suddenly feel like it was a good idea to go back to having it? And why was I eating everything in sight and pretending it had no calories? I didn't really have a good answer.
|"Bitch, I could stop drinking coffee any time I want to. Don't judge me."|
|(Picture from this brilliant woman.)|
My super-cheesy reasoning is going to sound hollow and kind of useless, but hear me out.
Your past is your past for a reason - and I really think your experiences are just lessons (like that time I thought it would be a good idea to chase tequila with $4 red wine. Lesson learned.) Clearly I was not "getting" what was going on.
I decided to have a re-commitment week this week. I was extremely vigilant with the food tracking, I didn't touch that crack granola I've been making, and I resolved to get more exercise in in the morning. And I felt a whole hell of a lot better for it. I like the feeling of being able to control what's happening with my body. Losing 3.8lbs doesn't hurt either.
At the end of the day, I think I just needed that little wake-up call to show me how quickly I could gain it back if I don't make my goals a priority. I'm going to need your help, muffins.
I'm now 18.2lbs away from my unofficial "goal weight." Help keep me honest. I'm going to post my new weight every Saturday morning - up or down.
Do you have a goal you want to reach? Can we do this together? Let's make each other accountable. Get in touch with me and we'll do this shit up all proper-like.
This week I'm going to:
- Get in at least 2 extra workouts
- Track my food
- Smile more
- Reward myself if I've lost at least 2lbs on Saturday